Our Civic Duty

About a month and a half ago I got a jury summons in the mail. Oh joy, jury duty. There must be a way to make jury duty more convenient. It would be hard to make it more inconvenient.

My previous experience from years ago was ... let's say enlightening. My number came up, so I told my boss I'd miss work. The next day I checked into the jury pool and we were ushered to a courtroom in another building. They started jury selection. There were 2 young men being tried together which seemed rather strange to me. They selected a jury and alternates and I wasn't called. Yay! I figured I was off the hook. Then there was some discussion between the lawyers, the 2 men and the judge while we all sat and waited. And waited and wondered. The defendants settled for a plea bargain. A court official explained to us that this was often the case. Only after they were facing the real jury would a defendant realize they weren't going to negotiate any better deal. We found out the case was for theft and vandalism of police property. Our sense of relief about it being over and done was short lived. With the day almost over we were told that we all had to report back the next morning. So I notified my boss again and went the next day. Again we are ushered into a courtroom. Again they start selection, except this time they were much more selective. The lead question for a while was "Have you ever been the victim of a crime". The person would say "yes" and after a few questions about it be excused. Except for the guy who had an argument with the judge that he should be excused for hardship ... because he was an executive in his company. Anyways, after going through about a dozen people with only 1 or 2 jurors they stopped asking that question and to make a long story short I became juror number 6. The trial was for auto theft and during the 2nd week us jurors took about a day to deliberate that the guy was guilty. Then we learned something that stunned us. We learned that it was a 3rd strike case and the jury could be kept to review the prior cases to make sure they were appropriate. But in this case we were lucky. With 8 prior felony convictions the defendant was waiving his right to the jury and allowing the judge to do the review. The ongoing review could have easily kept us there for a month, we were told. In the end my boss was less than understanding and unforgiving of work project commitments.

So, this time when my group number came up and I had to go in I groaned. Seeing my plans and schedule for the near future cast into mayhem was upsetting. I would have checked in early except for the half hour long line to get past security. They had a much nicer juror waiting area this time. I chuckled at the large selection of jigsaw puzzles that were available, some with large piece counts. I sat and started reading the magazines and books I had brought. First one group was called, then another. Finally I heard these fabulous words. "Group 4, your case has settled and you are being dismissed". Wow. A woman across the room did the "yessss" arm pump while another man got up and said "well that was easy" as he headed towards the exit. Can I say that I was elated and relieved. And I didn't have to come back.

So I did my civic duty and intimidated another defendant into settling. Such is justice, it seems.

Who Doesn't Loath Spam?

Years ago, I was at the home of a business associate, a successful entrepreneur. As we walked up the driveway he took his daily mail out of his mailbox, quickly thumbed through it and dropped almost all of it, mostly letter sized envelopes, into the trash unopened. "Aren't you going to see what those are" another associate asked? "If it isn't worth sending first class it isn't worth reading" was his reply.

I still reflect on the pragmatic wisdom of that. And my recycle bin is no stranger to the unopened bulk rate pieces.

It is that thinking that has me considering the otherwise unpalatable idea that we should charge something per email. So that we have some way of determining value ... and to stop the spam email. It's just too easy for spammers. But yeah, paying for each email is crazy talk.

But I'm the one paying now! I use my ISP spam filter. On top of that I use the spam filter in my mail browser, which catches a lot. Then my security software flags what it thinks are spams and scams. I have a variety of complex filters, each of which comes with a cost and it's still a hassle dealing with the spam.

I learned a valuable lesson with my business email. Don't use the common names. I set up an "info" email address. Bad move, instant target. It gets at least 50 emails a day and I'm lucky if 1 in 100 is not spam. Who knew that the info's of the world would make such a good market for male enhancement products and fake watches, but that's what it receives.

Some of it is confounding too. My ISP allows me to have up to 8 email addresses. So I set up an extra. A couple days later I logged in to configure it and I had emails waiting. Without ever sending an email from that address, it was getting spammed. The address must have gotten onto some searchable list somewhere. Not only was it getting spam emails, but it was getting "undeliverable mail" responses. Someone was using that new address as the "from:" or "reply to:" address in spams to other people. Now that's just criminal. Fed up, I enabled the vacation feature so that any email to that address automatically gets responded to with a message saying it is an autoreply, spam is evil and that emails to this account will never be seen by a person.

Despicable advertisers ... just when you think it can't get worse someone figures out a new way to get in your face with unwanted advertising. And they wonder why we get ruder...

What Impressions Do You Give?

Impressions are important. How people react towards you depends on their impressions of you. You only get one chance to make a good first impression.

They say you should dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.
...so where do I get a proper astronaut suit?

I had a manager that asked us all to read the book "Dress For Success". So I did. It made a lot of good points about reactions to how someone looks, complete with actual results from experiments and trials. It also, indirectly, points out how judgmental and conditioned we all are. We do judge a book by its cover. Once we get over the negative stigma of that statement, it is easy to realize that we must judge a book by its cover ... as the starting point before we set it aside or move on to other qualifiers, before we dive in. We have to start somewhere. It is required prejudice. We don't have time to delve into every book. Plus, it is demonstrable that the person who dresses more like a manager, or who is more physically intimidating (tall or strong) is more likely to be promoted to that position. I say "more likely". It isn't an absolute. Competence and ability do have their place. But image it is a driving influence too.

Then there is the irony of it all. There are those of us who hate dressing up. I have something like 40 expensive ties in my closet rack and I hate wearing ties. They seem so ridiculously useless to me. Fashion for the sake of some historical evolution of vanity. But there is an expectation and impressions to make and uphold... There is respect inherent in wearing a tie. Both given and expected. OK, I admit, I do like one of the ties. A Jerry Garcia tie that my dear wife got me as a gift. But hardly something I would wear to a board meeting. At least not until I am chairman of the board and can afford the eccentricity. Oh wait, I'm supposed to dress for the job I want, not the one I have. Hmmm.

What image to you impart to others?

Reflecting

I wrote this for my youngest sister when she got married. Unfortunately my wife and I could not attend her wedding ceremony. I came across a copy recently and wanted to share it here. It was sent to my sister in the letter with her wedding gift.

Marriage is a robe that is knit by the effort of two people, who wear it together. Sometimes the colors or texture may change, but when well made, it fits comfortably and keeps the warmth in. It is ever changing, and therefore takes a lifetime of effort, and is never truly finished.

If I were to rewrite it today, it would be more succinct, but would still have that message of the "warmth" shared from mutual dedication to the never ending effort that is a happy marriage...

Tolkien's Use of Thongs

Apparently I may be mistaken in how Tolkien used thongs ... I mean in his writing. In some of his works he uses the term thongs as leather straps used to bind or as the thongs of a whip. So I guess that unfortunate Dwarf might not have gotten shoes after all. I guess I just didn't see the purpose of tying him up before locking him in a cell...

Dwarves in Thongs

You can imagine how it got my attention when my eldest daughter asked me "Daddy, what is a thong". My insightful response was "uhhh, what do you mean?". She was reading the book The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien and came across "Then the elves put thongs on him, and shut him in one of the inmost caves...". "Him" being one of the dwarves. Oh, the sordid imagery. I had to remind myself that in the 1930's when the book was written until much more recently, thongs were not the butt-floss garments we might think of today. Thongs were a type of shoe. So I told her "Thongs are flip-flops or those shoes with the strap between your toes". I think I'll save the modern definition for another time...

Carpe Diem

Commonly translated as "Seize the day" from a latin poem by Horace.
...but sometimes I get the impression the day doesn't like being grabbed certain ways.
...I'm somewhat in agreement with the wonderful Oscar winning short Harvie Krumpet who goes beyond. "Harvie didn't just seize the day, he was strangling it" Okay, so you need the lead-in... Atom films has the whole film here. Oh, the fakts!

A Sham of Justice...

The Mary Winkler story is another case that has me worried about our so-called legal system. She was the Ministers wife who shot her husband in the back with a shotgun while he was in bed and was arrested 340 miles away with her 3 kids in the family minivan. She claims he abused her emotionally, physically and sexually. She claims she didn't mean to fire the gun, it just went boom. The jury didn't convict her of the main charge; First Degree Murder, but instead convicted her of Voluntary Manslaughter. The jury included a Baptist minister and woman who said she had been a victim of domestic abuse. Mary Winkler was sentenced to 3 years in prison, but was released after serving 5 months in prison (mostly her time awaiting trial) and 2 months in a mental care facility. Now she's petitioning the court to get her kids back. And tomorrow she's slated to be on Oprah!

I guess I have a couple of questions... How many ministers with 3 kids (ages 2, 8 and 10) keep a shotgun in the bedroom closet that is loaded and ready to be fired? Or did she have to accidentally load the shotgun too? She claims he threatened her with the shotgun regularly. Isn't it strange she would have such easy access to it and be the one to use it? The wife claims the marriage was abusive, but nobody else including the kids heard or saw any signs of abuse. What level of abuse is required? Does snoring constitute abuse? Note to self: make sure trigger lock keys are hidden far from guns secured in gun safe. She spent 2 months in a prison mental health facility. Now she's all right? Sorry ... it all just seems so unreal.

That's what gets to me. The precedent it sets. For whatever reason she shot her husband in the back with a shotgun and less than a year later is out of prison. She claims it was accidental. She claims years of mental and physical abuse. Her word against his ... oh wait, he's dead. After 2 months in mental care she is ready to take her kids back. "Her" kids whose father she murdered and left to bleed to death on the floor while she herded her kids out of the house. She wouldn't let them call 911... I guess all I can say is that, damn, her attorneys were good and must have coached her well... My bet is that if her husband had killed her with the same claims, same evidence, same testimonies and same courts he would have been in jail the rest of his life.

The Woman With 2500 Elephants In Her House

So ... how do you sleep when you have 2500 elephants in your house?

My eldest daughter and I enjoy "garage saling". Garage Saling is where you head out early on a weekend morning and cruise the local neighborhood looking for garage sales. One of the things my eldest daughter looks for is stuffed animals. She collects hippopotamuses, then moose, then frogs, then assorted other animals. My youngest daughter collects mostly elephants and some assorted others. Youngest daughter and Mom aren't so fond of garage saling.

So my eldest daughter and I go out garage saling on a Sunday morning and find a lawn sale with a pile of plushies. Of course we have to stop for that one. We get closer and see that the plushies are all elephants. About a dozen of them piled there with no obvious wear and mostly with tags still attached. We pick some of the best out including two we think youngest daughter would like. Then we find another group of elephant plushies lined up on a ledge and some more here and there.

When I comment that "You must collect elephants" to the woman running the sale she responds "These are just some extras. I have over twenty five hundred inside." Since we were standing outside some townhouse apartments ... well, you can envision 2500 elephants inside as well as I. I have a hard time envisioning my daughters room with even 100... We find out the plushies are reasonably priced and go back to grab a couple more interesting ones. When we go back to pay, the woman has wandered off and a man is there now. When I remark "Do you really have 2500 more inside?" he sheepishly tells us that, well, 2500 was the count a couple years ago and many more were added since them. All sizes. His girlfriend started collecting them when she was quite young.

Oh great ... I'm enabling an elephant plushie addiction with my daughters now ... Is there a program for that? Ah well, I can think of many less desirable hobbies. So as long as they (the girls) still fit in their beds...

Harry Potter and the Untold Stories

Now that the 7th (and supposedly final) book is out, I feel it my duty to share some of the untold stories that will undoubtedly appear in the supporting books to come...

The Hogwarts Dorm Parties. Of course they had parties. Why should Hogwarts be different than any other school? Drugs and alcohol? Those are for Muggles. Just wait until you hear about the partying spells, potions and antics. Where did you think the name Hufflepuff came from?

Love Magic and Sex Potions. All the tawdry bits not covered in the books. What else do you think goes on in the privacy of a wizard's bedroom? Learn about the Wizarding arts that aren't covered in the Hogwarts classroom. Hear about the Weasley family's legendary Peckorious Viagrenormic spell. Why else do you think the Weasleys have so many kids and Arthur always looks so worn out?

Hogwarts Initiations and Hazings. Yes, the staff has to keep a close eye on their students. Since first years know little if any magic they have little resistance to magic such as the disrobamus spell, the real reason they wear wizards robes and often nothing else. Learn the secrets about each house's induction ceremonies. Yow!

Nargles, the Other White Meat. The real reason we don't see any of these mischievous critters around.

Magic Amongst Us. You think all those wizards and witches amongst the non-magic folk are idle? With all the temptation and the questionable characters do you really think wizards or witches can resist using a bit of magic now and then to influence Muggles. Especially when many of them see us as the Neanderthals of their era? Where do you think Dark Wizards who are bad at magic go? They become Muggle politicians, of course. Try not to think about it too much.

...and Much More. What really goes on in Filch's dungeon? How did Dumbledore's twin, Gandalf, get stuck in some strange middle-earth dimension? What else goes on in a school with 4 rival gangs? This and much more to come!

The Art of a Good Hug

This topic was inspired by Dear Abby's advice to a woman about a man she called "Uncle Harry" who is in his 70s and who insists on giving women bear-hugs even after they protest. My dear wife enjoys reading the more entertaining of what I call "Dear Gabby's" advice to me. We both found Gabby's advice for the women to put tacks in their bras pointing outward particularly amusing. Personally, I would advise a less insidious remedy (more direct and obvious) to the unwanted physical contact, but that is outside the scope of this blog. If it stays put, the Dear Abby column I'm referring to is here.

In Dear Gabby's realm, I always have to do a bit of reading between the lines. First of all there is special consideration of the singular viewpoint of the writer asking advice. One side of the issue, biased from the start and unsubstantiated... This can make the whole issue crafted to the point of being fiction. Then I have to factor in the reactionary elements. Where in between insensitive and oversensitive does this person fall. Finally, we always seem to get an abbreviated version of what Gabby gets. But back to hugs...

There are obviously many different kinds of hugs. There are different reasons for hugging. Different people have different notions of personal space. While hugs are considered a form of physical intimacy, they can range from a casual welcoming embrace to, well, very intimate. There are embraces and friendly hugs. There are supportive hugs and affectionate hugs and snuggle hugs. There are the passionate hugs. There is even, in my youngest daughter's case, the "running-start tackle hug" reserved for her Dad. But the hug that Dear Gabby alluded to is the lecherous hug.

Sometimes we can all use a good hug. So what makes a hug good? And how did Uncle Harry offend the hug police?

Again I will have to defer to my resident expert; my youngest daughter. She has the ability to sense the situation and adapt the hug to fit it. These can vary from delicate, heart-warming "feel better hugs" to full fledge thank you bear hugs. Maybe that is the best way of explaining a good hug. Conveying the right expression for the moment, when appropriate. For her, it seems to come natural. For others of us, it takes special attention to get right.

Maybe that's the best explanation for Uncle Harry. An inappropriate or unwelcome hug isn't a hug, it is harassment. Well, maybe Uncle Harry is just hug impaired in his old age, or maybe this is his way of expressing his "dirty old manhood" ... but I'm hoping he writes a letter to Dear Abbey soon asking why women have taken to putting such sharp tacks in their bras...