The Art of a Good Hug

This topic was inspired by Dear Abby's advice to a woman about a man she called "Uncle Harry" who is in his 70s and who insists on giving women bear-hugs even after they protest. My dear wife enjoys reading the more entertaining of what I call "Dear Gabby's" advice to me. We both found Gabby's advice for the women to put tacks in their bras pointing outward particularly amusing. Personally, I would advise a less insidious remedy (more direct and obvious) to the unwanted physical contact, but that is outside the scope of this blog. If it stays put, the Dear Abby column I'm referring to is here.

In Dear Gabby's realm, I always have to do a bit of reading between the lines. First of all there is special consideration of the singular viewpoint of the writer asking advice. One side of the issue, biased from the start and unsubstantiated... This can make the whole issue crafted to the point of being fiction. Then I have to factor in the reactionary elements. Where in between insensitive and oversensitive does this person fall. Finally, we always seem to get an abbreviated version of what Gabby gets. But back to hugs...

There are obviously many different kinds of hugs. There are different reasons for hugging. Different people have different notions of personal space. While hugs are considered a form of physical intimacy, they can range from a casual welcoming embrace to, well, very intimate. There are embraces and friendly hugs. There are supportive hugs and affectionate hugs and snuggle hugs. There are the passionate hugs. There is even, in my youngest daughter's case, the "running-start tackle hug" reserved for her Dad. But the hug that Dear Gabby alluded to is the lecherous hug.

Sometimes we can all use a good hug. So what makes a hug good? And how did Uncle Harry offend the hug police?

Again I will have to defer to my resident expert; my youngest daughter. She has the ability to sense the situation and adapt the hug to fit it. These can vary from delicate, heart-warming "feel better hugs" to full fledge thank you bear hugs. Maybe that is the best way of explaining a good hug. Conveying the right expression for the moment, when appropriate. For her, it seems to come natural. For others of us, it takes special attention to get right.

Maybe that's the best explanation for Uncle Harry. An inappropriate or unwelcome hug isn't a hug, it is harassment. Well, maybe Uncle Harry is just hug impaired in his old age, or maybe this is his way of expressing his "dirty old manhood" ... but I'm hoping he writes a letter to Dear Abbey soon asking why women have taken to putting such sharp tacks in their bras...