What Impressions Do You Give?

Impressions are important. How people react towards you depends on their impressions of you. You only get one chance to make a good first impression.

They say you should dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.
...so where do I get a proper astronaut suit?

I had a manager that asked us all to read the book "Dress For Success". So I did. It made a lot of good points about reactions to how someone looks, complete with actual results from experiments and trials. It also, indirectly, points out how judgmental and conditioned we all are. We do judge a book by its cover. Once we get over the negative stigma of that statement, it is easy to realize that we must judge a book by its cover ... as the starting point before we set it aside or move on to other qualifiers, before we dive in. We have to start somewhere. It is required prejudice. We don't have time to delve into every book. Plus, it is demonstrable that the person who dresses more like a manager, or who is more physically intimidating (tall or strong) is more likely to be promoted to that position. I say "more likely". It isn't an absolute. Competence and ability do have their place. But image it is a driving influence too.

Then there is the irony of it all. There are those of us who hate dressing up. I have something like 40 expensive ties in my closet rack and I hate wearing ties. They seem so ridiculously useless to me. Fashion for the sake of some historical evolution of vanity. But there is an expectation and impressions to make and uphold... There is respect inherent in wearing a tie. Both given and expected. OK, I admit, I do like one of the ties. A Jerry Garcia tie that my dear wife got me as a gift. But hardly something I would wear to a board meeting. At least not until I am chairman of the board and can afford the eccentricity. Oh wait, I'm supposed to dress for the job I want, not the one I have. Hmmm.

What image to you impart to others?

Reflecting

I wrote this for my youngest sister when she got married. Unfortunately my wife and I could not attend her wedding ceremony. I came across a copy recently and wanted to share it here. It was sent to my sister in the letter with her wedding gift.

Marriage is a robe that is knit by the effort of two people, who wear it together. Sometimes the colors or texture may change, but when well made, it fits comfortably and keeps the warmth in. It is ever changing, and therefore takes a lifetime of effort, and is never truly finished.

If I were to rewrite it today, it would be more succinct, but would still have that message of the "warmth" shared from mutual dedication to the never ending effort that is a happy marriage...

Tolkien's Use of Thongs

Apparently I may be mistaken in how Tolkien used thongs ... I mean in his writing. In some of his works he uses the term thongs as leather straps used to bind or as the thongs of a whip. So I guess that unfortunate Dwarf might not have gotten shoes after all. I guess I just didn't see the purpose of tying him up before locking him in a cell...

Dwarves in Thongs

You can imagine how it got my attention when my eldest daughter asked me "Daddy, what is a thong". My insightful response was "uhhh, what do you mean?". She was reading the book The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien and came across "Then the elves put thongs on him, and shut him in one of the inmost caves...". "Him" being one of the dwarves. Oh, the sordid imagery. I had to remind myself that in the 1930's when the book was written until much more recently, thongs were not the butt-floss garments we might think of today. Thongs were a type of shoe. So I told her "Thongs are flip-flops or those shoes with the strap between your toes". I think I'll save the modern definition for another time...

Carpe Diem

Commonly translated as "Seize the day" from a latin poem by Horace.
...but sometimes I get the impression the day doesn't like being grabbed certain ways.
...I'm somewhat in agreement with the wonderful Oscar winning short Harvie Krumpet who goes beyond. "Harvie didn't just seize the day, he was strangling it" Okay, so you need the lead-in... Atom films has the whole film here. Oh, the fakts!

A Sham of Justice...

The Mary Winkler story is another case that has me worried about our so-called legal system. She was the Ministers wife who shot her husband in the back with a shotgun while he was in bed and was arrested 340 miles away with her 3 kids in the family minivan. She claims he abused her emotionally, physically and sexually. She claims she didn't mean to fire the gun, it just went boom. The jury didn't convict her of the main charge; First Degree Murder, but instead convicted her of Voluntary Manslaughter. The jury included a Baptist minister and woman who said she had been a victim of domestic abuse. Mary Winkler was sentenced to 3 years in prison, but was released after serving 5 months in prison (mostly her time awaiting trial) and 2 months in a mental care facility. Now she's petitioning the court to get her kids back. And tomorrow she's slated to be on Oprah!

I guess I have a couple of questions... How many ministers with 3 kids (ages 2, 8 and 10) keep a shotgun in the bedroom closet that is loaded and ready to be fired? Or did she have to accidentally load the shotgun too? She claims he threatened her with the shotgun regularly. Isn't it strange she would have such easy access to it and be the one to use it? The wife claims the marriage was abusive, but nobody else including the kids heard or saw any signs of abuse. What level of abuse is required? Does snoring constitute abuse? Note to self: make sure trigger lock keys are hidden far from guns secured in gun safe. She spent 2 months in a prison mental health facility. Now she's all right? Sorry ... it all just seems so unreal.

That's what gets to me. The precedent it sets. For whatever reason she shot her husband in the back with a shotgun and less than a year later is out of prison. She claims it was accidental. She claims years of mental and physical abuse. Her word against his ... oh wait, he's dead. After 2 months in mental care she is ready to take her kids back. "Her" kids whose father she murdered and left to bleed to death on the floor while she herded her kids out of the house. She wouldn't let them call 911... I guess all I can say is that, damn, her attorneys were good and must have coached her well... My bet is that if her husband had killed her with the same claims, same evidence, same testimonies and same courts he would have been in jail the rest of his life.

The Woman With 2500 Elephants In Her House

So ... how do you sleep when you have 2500 elephants in your house?

My eldest daughter and I enjoy "garage saling". Garage Saling is where you head out early on a weekend morning and cruise the local neighborhood looking for garage sales. One of the things my eldest daughter looks for is stuffed animals. She collects hippopotamuses, then moose, then frogs, then assorted other animals. My youngest daughter collects mostly elephants and some assorted others. Youngest daughter and Mom aren't so fond of garage saling.

So my eldest daughter and I go out garage saling on a Sunday morning and find a lawn sale with a pile of plushies. Of course we have to stop for that one. We get closer and see that the plushies are all elephants. About a dozen of them piled there with no obvious wear and mostly with tags still attached. We pick some of the best out including two we think youngest daughter would like. Then we find another group of elephant plushies lined up on a ledge and some more here and there.

When I comment that "You must collect elephants" to the woman running the sale she responds "These are just some extras. I have over twenty five hundred inside." Since we were standing outside some townhouse apartments ... well, you can envision 2500 elephants inside as well as I. I have a hard time envisioning my daughters room with even 100... We find out the plushies are reasonably priced and go back to grab a couple more interesting ones. When we go back to pay, the woman has wandered off and a man is there now. When I remark "Do you really have 2500 more inside?" he sheepishly tells us that, well, 2500 was the count a couple years ago and many more were added since them. All sizes. His girlfriend started collecting them when she was quite young.

Oh great ... I'm enabling an elephant plushie addiction with my daughters now ... Is there a program for that? Ah well, I can think of many less desirable hobbies. So as long as they (the girls) still fit in their beds...

Harry Potter and the Untold Stories

Now that the 7th (and supposedly final) book is out, I feel it my duty to share some of the untold stories that will undoubtedly appear in the supporting books to come...

The Hogwarts Dorm Parties. Of course they had parties. Why should Hogwarts be different than any other school? Drugs and alcohol? Those are for Muggles. Just wait until you hear about the partying spells, potions and antics. Where did you think the name Hufflepuff came from?

Love Magic and Sex Potions. All the tawdry bits not covered in the books. What else do you think goes on in the privacy of a wizard's bedroom? Learn about the Wizarding arts that aren't covered in the Hogwarts classroom. Hear about the Weasley family's legendary Peckorious Viagrenormic spell. Why else do you think the Weasleys have so many kids and Arthur always looks so worn out?

Hogwarts Initiations and Hazings. Yes, the staff has to keep a close eye on their students. Since first years know little if any magic they have little resistance to magic such as the disrobamus spell, the real reason they wear wizards robes and often nothing else. Learn the secrets about each house's induction ceremonies. Yow!

Nargles, the Other White Meat. The real reason we don't see any of these mischievous critters around.

Magic Amongst Us. You think all those wizards and witches amongst the non-magic folk are idle? With all the temptation and the questionable characters do you really think wizards or witches can resist using a bit of magic now and then to influence Muggles. Especially when many of them see us as the Neanderthals of their era? Where do you think Dark Wizards who are bad at magic go? They become Muggle politicians, of course. Try not to think about it too much.

...and Much More. What really goes on in Filch's dungeon? How did Dumbledore's twin, Gandalf, get stuck in some strange middle-earth dimension? What else goes on in a school with 4 rival gangs? This and much more to come!

The Art of a Good Hug

This topic was inspired by Dear Abby's advice to a woman about a man she called "Uncle Harry" who is in his 70s and who insists on giving women bear-hugs even after they protest. My dear wife enjoys reading the more entertaining of what I call "Dear Gabby's" advice to me. We both found Gabby's advice for the women to put tacks in their bras pointing outward particularly amusing. Personally, I would advise a less insidious remedy (more direct and obvious) to the unwanted physical contact, but that is outside the scope of this blog. If it stays put, the Dear Abby column I'm referring to is here.

In Dear Gabby's realm, I always have to do a bit of reading between the lines. First of all there is special consideration of the singular viewpoint of the writer asking advice. One side of the issue, biased from the start and unsubstantiated... This can make the whole issue crafted to the point of being fiction. Then I have to factor in the reactionary elements. Where in between insensitive and oversensitive does this person fall. Finally, we always seem to get an abbreviated version of what Gabby gets. But back to hugs...

There are obviously many different kinds of hugs. There are different reasons for hugging. Different people have different notions of personal space. While hugs are considered a form of physical intimacy, they can range from a casual welcoming embrace to, well, very intimate. There are embraces and friendly hugs. There are supportive hugs and affectionate hugs and snuggle hugs. There are the passionate hugs. There is even, in my youngest daughter's case, the "running-start tackle hug" reserved for her Dad. But the hug that Dear Gabby alluded to is the lecherous hug.

Sometimes we can all use a good hug. So what makes a hug good? And how did Uncle Harry offend the hug police?

Again I will have to defer to my resident expert; my youngest daughter. She has the ability to sense the situation and adapt the hug to fit it. These can vary from delicate, heart-warming "feel better hugs" to full fledge thank you bear hugs. Maybe that is the best way of explaining a good hug. Conveying the right expression for the moment, when appropriate. For her, it seems to come natural. For others of us, it takes special attention to get right.

Maybe that's the best explanation for Uncle Harry. An inappropriate or unwelcome hug isn't a hug, it is harassment. Well, maybe Uncle Harry is just hug impaired in his old age, or maybe this is his way of expressing his "dirty old manhood" ... but I'm hoping he writes a letter to Dear Abbey soon asking why women have taken to putting such sharp tacks in their bras...

Beautiful Spring Days

Only a couple days into spring and the first of our roses bloomed. Now the apple and tangerine trees are in full bloom and our orchids are a wonderful cavalcade of flowers. My dear wife is hating it ... the pollen, that is. The yearly reminder of what anti-oxidants, herbal teas and Claritin are for. Otherwise, a beautiful spring is here.

My New Anthem

I stumbled across a link to Weird Al Yankovic's myspace page. Of course I had to visit. What popped up? The music to White and Nerdy, a parody of a rap song called Ridin' Dirty. I was rolling ... and have to confess, I understood all the references. The video makes it complete... I have to say, I think his You're Pitiful, also on myspace and Do I Creep You Out over on Jibjab are brilliant as well. Enjoy!

And now we return to our irregularly scheduled programming...

Before Who Dies???

A lot of people have lists of the things they want to do before they die. Maybe all of us do... My dear wife gave it a new perspective this weekend with "They're on my list of See them before they die bands". She had just bought tickets to the local Genesis concert. But it got me thinking of all the aging bands out there who just might be on their last tour. Some have had last chance rumors going for years. Others replace an ailing member now and then as they try to keep it going. I hate to be the advocate of the last-chance desparation marketing of long-time bands, but it sure seems to work.

Healthy Fantasy and Harsh Reality

I remember how I was a daydreamer in grade school. To the extent that my grossly incompetant fourth grade teacher (Hi, Mrs. Stromberg) thought I had a learning problem. She set me up for testing, which I found interesting and did very well at. My teacher wanted to hold me back, the evaluator wanted to move me ahead a grade. So I stayed where I was... The problem was that I enjoyed a good fantasy much more than the reality of 4th grade subject matter.

Recently I saw the movie Bridge to Terabithia. A movie that I thought was much like Pan's Labyrinth in that it takes a good dose of magical fantasy and intersperses it with the harsh realities of bad events. Not in the way that most fantasies like Chronicles of Narnia or Eragon do. But bringing in subjects that are uncomfortable to deal with, even for adults and blurring the lines between the fantasy and real world depictions. Healthy fantasy and harsh realities. Without giving away spoilers that are important to the movies, all four of the movies I mentioned are worth seeing, with special attention to the understanding of kids.

The Oscars and Other Drivel

First of all I have to say that I have about as much respect for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences as I do any industry's self serving organization that has secretive awards committees. How was it put ... "bending over backwards to kiss their own asses". But my wife is a film fan and I have to say I am amused by the antics and some of the talent.

We were glad to see a couple of our picks got favored. We saw West Bank Story over a year ago at an independent film festival, we made an effort to find it online as a video to purchase or download. Nothing available, so maybe getting the Oscar will fix that. We thought it was a great live action short and it's good to hear the Academy liked it too. My wife and I also liked Pan's Labyrinth even though it gets a bit surreal and has bloody and torturous scenes we don't feel comfortable letting the kids see. It got a couple awards, but not the one we hoped. As for Ellen DeGeneres, that was a new low point.

We didn't see any of the films that got Razzies, a good sign.

So Stop With the Paparazzi Pleasing Already

Britney, you don't need to show the world how badly you shave and I don't mean your head. Take a tip from the Oscars ... it is OK to go commando, even publically televised, in a full length gown. It leaves the world pondering how you hid the panty lines. But in a mini skirt? Can you say "Yoo-hoo, paparazzi goons! Over here."

And what's with the tirades and antics? You're getting a lot of sympathy but not a lot of respect out there. Don't you know that in California child custody is so biased in favor of the Mom that to lose them the mom literally has to be a whacked out drug addict with ... ooops. Well, let's just leave it that I feel a lot more sorry for your kids than I do for you.

Too much tabloid fodder lately and not just Britney. Stop with the celebrity shooting star flame-outs already!

Happy Valentines Day!

This morning I had an exchange that was appropriate to Valentines Day and highly bloggable. So here goes.

At my health club, they sometimes let vendors set up displays of clothes or jewelry for sale. Being Valentines season, there was a lady with a table of craftsy jewelry.

I had finished my morning workout and was on the way out when I stopped to look at some of the lampwork bead and pearl types of jewelry that my wife might like. The Lady asks "Are you ready for Valentines Day?". My response, "well of course". She followed up with "so what are you getting her?". I paused for just a second before replying with a question "Is it important what I get her?". Her reply was also a question and made an assumption "Is it important what you get?". My reply was "No, Valentines day is about being sweethearts and the things that don't have price tags, isn't it?". All she could do was agree.

I didn't mention that I had already made or gotten some stuff for my dear wife (my romantic sweetheart) and for my daughters (my little sweethearts). Now I know that I may be overstepping Valentines tradition. The exchange of love notes and tokens of affection such as hand written cards and small candies. But then, Valentines Day seems to have gone modern like most other special days. So I don't see stretching it to my non-romantic but beloved sweethearts as much of a transgression.

I like how wikipedia.org learned from last year and locked their Valentines Day entry.