My Dearest Eldest Daughter

I am blessed with two beautiful daughters. While I would like to have been blessed with a boy, the outcome is the way it is. It is more of a blessing than I'll admit since I know nothing about growing up as a little girl. So responsibility in that area becomes my wife's job. I get to raise the boys and there aren't any. My job is to be the proud father of two girls. Yep, I'm doomed to live in a house of beautiful women.

When my second daughter was born I joked with my wife about how I was going to take my pick of the two to raise as a boy. I was just joking, mind you. But I am the one who gets them out of the house to bike and play ball and other things that can cause bumps and bruises. I am the one they can climb on and wrestle with.

This morning my eldest daughter complained that she didn't have room in her lunch box for a banana. She said the banana was too big. She has one of those lunch boxes that would fit a six-pack of sodas and still have room, so I was skeptical. She showed me that her lunch was filled right up to the top and sure enough there was no more room. So I asked her what was under her lunch. I discovered her treasure stash.

The bottom of her lunch box was filled with treasures. A badminton birdie, a hackensack ball, a monopoly board marker, a tatty pencil, a dyed purple feather, assorted bottle caps and lots and lots of other knick-knacks. After we took those out there was plenty of room for the lunch with the banana.

My eldest daughter isn't one of those dainty girls that play with polly pockets and princess ponies at school. She is one of the few who likes to play with the boys as well as the girls. And sometimes the boys do things that are more interesting. Tomboy? Maybe a touch. She is very much a girl with a strong sense of sugar and spice and everything nice. But there's a healthy dose of the frogs and snails and puppydog tails in there too.

So I am amused by her packrat stash of things similar to what you would expect a boy to collect. I think you can guess which of my daughters I would pick to raise as a boy... But there is no mistaking her for a little boy. She is very much a little girl as well as her own person!

Goodbye Mungo...

A good friend of mine lost a dear companion Monday night. Mungo, his 5 year old female Rottweiller (large breed dog) passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. I was the last person other than him to see Mungo. She was full of energy and acting like a puppy. She was her usual rambunctious and social self. She was also a smart, obedient and loyal dog. Now my friend lives alone and is coping with the loss.

He sent out a notification and picture memorial to those of us who knew Mungo. Remembering their time spent together. I hope that he realizes that she lived well and was the happy dog she was because of him.

I know that those of you who, like my wife and I have lost pets that were dear to us will understand the loss. It becomes a void that can never be filled again. We carry the memories of how they touched our lives and we touched theirs...

Lies, Damn Lies and Tax Returns...

If you filed your 2003 US tax return before the end of 2003, congratulations! You did the impossible. If you filed before the April 15th 2004 filing date, again, congratulations. You (or your accountant) got the job done in time. If you filed for the extension and make the August 16th extension date you should enjoy a sigh of relief. Because if you didn't and don't qualify for the special 2nd extension tomorrow you will be a criminal.

But wait! Why would anyone take so long to finish their taxes? Missing information? Tax reporting screw-up? Maybe because there is that unfathomable stack of instructions, worksheets, forms and numbers to fill in. Maybe because there are penalties for underpayment and for mistakes (but only those in your favor). Maybe you are stuck in the grey zone between overpayment and underpayment or want to be careful so you don't trigger that evil audit. Maybe it's because even the experts have trouble figuring out some of the tax stuff.

Every year, some US magazine or publication sends out packets with a fictitious, yet realistic set of financial information to a number of different tax experts and compares the responses. Every year they get a range of results. It is amazing that even the "experts" don't agree on an answer. I remember one survey where the answers for a "working middle class couple with a vacation property transaction" ranged from owing a couple thousand dollars to getting a couple thousand dollars back. So, which expert was right? How could any of them be right when none of them got the same result as the single IRS expert in the survey?

A CPA tax accountant told me about how they run into situations, especially with tax law changes, where it is not clear what the "right" answer should be. So they send a letter to the IRS asking for a clarification. Actually, they send several letters to the IRS ... and then use the most favorable response. Yep, even different IRS experts give different answers. Does this make sense? It does if you accept that there is no right answer. Only acceptable and unacceptable answers. I guess when you have an IRS letter to back it up, that answer is an acceptable answer.

The CPA also told me about the file drawer his company had for "special" returns where they tracked the statute of limitations date ... the date after which the return can't be audited. I guess that's another way to get an acceptable answer. Keep good records, hold your breath and hope it doesn't get questioned.

So how is the average taxpayer supposed to avoid underpayment and overpayment? Again, that is not clear. There is (currently) no penalty for overpaying your taxes. It's up to you to find the best acceptable answer ... without getting audited or arrested.

May your return never trigger an audit!

The Packrat Gene

My Grandfather had it. His radio repair shop was always crowded with stuff. It was one of those places that had an air of cozy clutter that made it special. My Grandmother was worse. She was always starting new hobbies, collecting stuff and, well, just plain packratting. Upstairs, in the basement, her house held an overflowing bounty of treasures. When Grandpa retired and Grandma got a nice inheritance from her mother they bought a much bigger farmhouse and she set about proving the adage that "the amount of stuff you have will always grow to exceed the space you have for it". Imagine, if you can, a very large 2 story farmhouse with narrow paths between boxes and piles of ... treasures. From the basement to the walk-in attic. And then there was the large barnhouse. Yep, she had a strong packrat gene.

You know what I'm talking about, right? The gene that causes people to collect stuff. To save stuff. The natural drive that tells you to save that extra widget that came with the whats-it because you know that someday you will need it for something. The natural drive that won't let you part with that collection of old papers or magazines or cassette tapes, even though you haven't read or listened to them in years. The natural drive that has you looking for treasures in other people's junk at flea markets and garage sales. Yes, the powerful gene that led to the multi-billion dollar success of eBay.

So it only makes sense that my brothers, sisters and I have the packrat gene too. It becomes competitive and visionary, really. Having all those valuables and projects that will someday lead to wonderful things. My wife has it. At least when it comes to cross-stitch stuff. She must have enough to start her own small shop. My kids have it too. Just look at their room...

Throughout history, you can track the evolution of this gene along with civilization. From simple collectors and gatherers, mankind progressed to an ever higher order ... of packratting. This is a natural evolution driven by society and environment. Starting with food and with tools, and leading to the most valuable items in our society ... priceless collectables. Getting more stuff and keeping it safe is a challenge. It tests organizational, memory, and management skills. How can you fit more stuff in less space while protecting it and getting even more stuff and more space? And then remembering where each piece is, as well as getting the ones you still need? Yes, it is an evolutionary progression that constantly tests and drives the genetic development of many valuable skills and abilities.

Besides, you know that when you need that widget, even if you can no longer find it you can say "I told you so"...