Leave the Being Old to Other People...

There is a local story, possibly nothing more than an urban legend that goes:

At the local upscale college-town shopping area near here, a local woman saw a parking spot and was maneuvering her luxury sedan to pull into it when a college kid in a small sports car zips into the space. She rolls down the window to call out "You took my spot". He replies "That's what you do when you're younger and quicker". She puts her car into the space, crunching his, gets out, and says "Well that's what you do when you're older and richer...".

So ... at what point are you old?

Is it when you "lose" your quickness? Is it when you achieve a certain level of status or maturity? Is it when you become annoyed with "youth"?

Does it come as a revelation one day when you look in the mirror and realize you are looking at an older man or woman? Does it happen one day when gravity just seems heavier or temperatures just seem more uncomfortable? Is it when you realize you have left the "follies" of your own youth behind?

Is it when you start saying things that start with "back when I was..."? Is it when you "lose" that youthful figure?

While none of us are getting any younger, being "old" is a relative concept. Aging happens gradually. Time is relentless. And at some point everyone surrenders to the idea of being older.

But that doesn't mean you have to surrender to being old. Old is very much a state of mind. You will get older naturally, but that doesn't mean you have to give in to being old...

My dear wife is getting younger. That's right. No, she hasn't figured out a way to cheat time. She has found a way to resist being old.

A couple of months ago she started an exercise program at a local women's club. A place where they have a set workout routine and ordering of exercises, and where they track her progress. At first I was skeptical that this would be ineffective and short lived. But she was determined and persisted. And her progress shows. She lost some inches, toned, and firmed up. Things often associated with youth and given up with age. And it shows not just in looks, but in behavior. She feels better.

Sometimes she comes back jubilant with her newest measurements. Sometimes with a bit of gloom at a setback. But as long as she stays determined, she is winning.

Beauty in youth is like a blooming flower and can quickly fade. Beauty with age comes from within. When seeking the fountain of youth, you sometimes need look no further than your own state of mind...

The Prodigal Sister...
or Is the Grasshopper Learning Life's Lessons...?

My parents were blessed with many children. Seven altogether. It is my fortune to be an eldest son. I was followed in short order by several sisters. What follows is about my eldest little sister.

Of us siblings, my eldest little sister always embodied her own ideals of Carpe Diem the best. Seize the day! And then the night too! In high school she was a very active member of the party animal crowd. No stranger to social revelry and debauchery. Fortunate to have graduated... And so the biblical Prodigal Son story starts to have relevant meaning. While I was "setting the example", being studious, getting good grades and earning a college degree, working, saving, and buying my first house, she was out enjoying life's pleasures. Her current situation is very much the outcome of her own choices and actions. But then this is a truth for most of us.

In all fairness, she now has many notable achievements and has done well for herself in many ways. She has grown as a person. What I might consider irresponsible behavior for myself, most people would accept of her as responsible when considering modern lifestyles. We all have different priorities and it shows up in our lives. My sister and I have each done very well for ourselves, but in much different ways.

My parents are now retired. And as age and the past catches up with all of us, my sister found that she was the only one of their kids who didn't own a house. From my vantage, this isn't through any misfortune or hardship on her part. It is because of her decisions and the life she chose to live. She had no down payment for a house. So she convinced my Dad to help her buy a property and build a house. My Dad provided half the money and my sister used that as collateral for a loan for her half. She and her husband are making good progress in the construction. They have embraced a new level of responsibility.

Hopefully the similarities to the prodigal son story are clearer. My sister went out to seek her fortunes and experience life. She had many enjoyable experiences and spent her money and effort along the way. While I was working hard in college and in my career, while I sacrificed and saved to buy a house, she chose another path. As her age and choices caught up with her, she had little to show. My prodigal sister has come back to our Dad for help...

My Mom and Dad have said that this won't cause them any hardship. That my sister is effectively just getting her share of the inheritance early. And this gives the prodigal story comparison a bit of a twist. For starts, to me it is not her inheritance, it is their retirement funds. And to me that means a cushion of monies for my parents to live on and enjoy. Funds to be there in case the unforeseen happens. To say that any of their estate is my sister's inheritance before the fact is a contrived justification to me. Early on they referred to this as an investment. Investing in real estate partnerships is a long term commitment with limited liquidity when the funds are needed. So another contrived justification. And several other "rationalizations" that don't quite make good sense. And this brings the question of how much of this is my sister's persuasion.

As eldest brother, I have a special family perspective. I hear the grumbling from my other brothers and sisters. We grew up with this sister and experienced first hand the manipulations and deceits she managed on my parents. Some things my parents will never know... And so there is a healthy dose of skepticism, and even some resentment. While I can see how this venture has pulled my Dad and Sister closer again, I can only hope my parents see how it also raises questions and suspicions.

Somewhere in all of this is a lesson that my Dad needs to learn. One that he should have learned years ago and maybe now is getting another chance to learn. And I think my eldest little sister has learned much along the way, but still has much to learn. But then, don't we all...

I hope the best for my parents and for my eldest little sister. Maybe that proverbial grasshopper that played while the ant toiled is learning ... with some help.

The Cutesy Files

This morning, my gradeschool daughter asked "Daddy, when you were my age, did you play a game called bugdom?"...

Now I didn't recall a game by that name. But the question brought back fond memories of all the playground games, along with all the old card and board games I used to play when I was her age. And I know that some of the games kids play now are the same, but with different names.

"Maybe... How do you play it?" was my following question. "Oh" she said, more than eager to explain... "You hunt through the maze and use the left mouse button to open walnuts and....."...

I had to explain to her that when I was her age, people didn't have computers at home. None. No computers at work unless it was a really big computer and they didn't have games on them. Hard to conceptualize today. Almost like the "we didn't have television" stories I used to hear when I was her age and nod understandingly to, while unable to fully appreciate the concept because there had always been TVs in my world.

**********

Spring has come early and with a vengeance. We went from winter storms to calm warm days in a matter of days. This morning the youngest was having trouble finding pants to wear. "Pssst, you can wear shorts today" I said in a half whisper... Her face went from troubled pout to bright beam as she spouted a jubilant "I can?" ...Yes, the sun came out in that room today...

To SUV or not to SUV...

I recently got pulled into one of those conversations lambasting SUVs and their owners. Actually, nobody pulled me in, the topic did.

Now, I do not own an SUV, and so I guess the natural tendency was to join in the 'basting. But instead I got caught up in the ironies of the whole conversation. All the little gas guzzlers picking on the big gas guzzlers. It reminded me of a flock of little sparrows trying to chase the big crow out of their sky.

They waste fuel, they're space hogs, they're destroying our natural areas going where they shouldn't, they're rude, you can't see around them, they make life miserable in parking lots and for other more consciencious drivers in general...

And someone who has an SUV pointed out that they need theirs for its utility and ruggedness. They need the capabilities it provides. But then the "well, what about" arguments came up about the "status" buyers. The Hummer Moms whose toughest challenge is taking the kids to school and the biggest load being groceries.

It is most telling when you consider the term "luxury SUV". It is like saying "luxury fun construction vehicle". I find the term almost comedic. Like someone arguing they need heated leather seats in their dump truck.

So when does a vehicle make the crossover to wasteful extravagance? Is there a reasonable amount of room or weight or fuel that a person should be limited to? Would a Recreational Vehicle (camper) used as a daily commuter be in the same "extravagance" category as an SUV? Some RVs would seem like economy vehicles compared to some of the SUVs currently on the road.

Or will this take a natural course similar to the demise of the luxury sedans, station wagons, and full sized vans that were popular in the late 60s and early 70s when gas prices jumped? Will the market change once again driven by some dynamic influence like fuel prices or legislation? Time will tell ... my bet is ... yes, change is inevitable.

The Valentines Day Lesson

Some lessons can only be learned the hard way...

In preparing for this past Valentines day, I set up the plans for an evening out and for taking care of the kids. And I had a novel idea... I told my DW that I would take her out for a nice dinner - if I could dress her. I was planning a relaxed romantic Valentines evening of drinks and dinner at a traditionally favorite spot. I was thinking of her being in something sexier and more daring than usual. Something she wouldn't wear to work. Something she wasn't likely to wear out with just friends. Special. Nothing outrageous, but definitely something more form fitting and showy than the bulky comfy stuff she normally wears. And maybe even more sexy than her "little black dress".

The first lesson was discovering that there are just way too many women's clothing stores. And styles of clothes. And this quickly made the challenge of dressing DW daunting. Where a guy might have different colors of 3 or 4 different kinds of underwear, women have different colors of a myriad of shapes, fabrics, and styles of all sorts of underwear. And shirts, and skirts, and pants, and many things I still can't remember the names of... I would boldly enter the stores, and often emerge feeling like I had just had some mind-boggling other-world experience. But I persisted and learned...

They use strange words. They were very friendly and tried to be helpful. I would be looking at some items on a rack and would be asked if I needed help. "What would a woman normally wear with this" I might ask. "Oh, a schnoopleskirt or a nuffablouse" would come the answer. Occasionally I did recognize some words, like camisole. "But isn't that lingerie?".... "Oh, there are different types". Go figure...

When I saw things on a hanger or mannequin, it was hard to visualize them on DW who was not there. So I looked around the stores and malls. And I watched for women wearing similar stuff. Honestly, I wasn't oggling the women, I was trying to figure out how some of those nuffablouses would look on DW. By this time a dress was out of the question...

Things don't turn out the way they look on models or mannequins. More on this later...

So, after visiting ~30 clothing stores, and getting closer to the day, I bought a collection of garments. I got undergarments in her size. The bra and panties were from a lingerie shop. Not your normal bra and something you would not wear under a see through top. But it was shown as being for lower cut tops or dresses where the bra needs to be out of the way but still do its job. Then I got a very nice woven silk top. Very soft and pleasing to the touch and stretchy. A good opening in the front, but not too far. Still being a colder time of year I decided to get another layer that was soft, warm, and form fitting. I got a cashmere wrap-around to go with the top. And I got a skirt in her size. A soft pressed wool that went down to about the knee. For shoes and other stuff I relied on her current collection.

OK, so the evening came. The bra was the right size, but didn't fit quite as expected. But it wasn't bad either... The silk top was very nice and the wrap looked very good with it. The top was a bit looser than I expected, but was a decent fit. The cashmere wrap-around was a bit awkward at the overlap. The skirt was too big and got set aside for a nice pair of slacks... Oh well.

All things considered, I thought DW looked stunning. Tastefully sexy! Everything went together well, and although she was showing almost as much cleavage as she did in her wedding dress, and although you could see some of the bra if you looked down the middle of her top, it was tastefully sexy.

But during the evening it became evident that she was somewhat uncomfortable with it when she kept trying to adjust the wrap and any compliment was questioned. It becomes incredibly hard to compliment someone when they question the compliment or don't take it as such...

We did have a drink, a relaxed evening and then a very nice Valentines dinner.

A day later ... I heard all about how uncomfortable she felt in the outfit. How she felt on display, cheap, humiliated... Questioning my motives ... my intelligence... And so we learn...

Next time...
It is much better to fit someone for something sexy when they are there. And as a bonus, they can interpret the lingo for you.
It is hard for someone to feel sexy if they don't feel comfortable with what they're wearing (fit, style, or exposure). Surprises aren't the best way of doing this...

While the adventure of dressing DW still seems a good one, using never-before-worn garments got me in trouble...